When a Friend is Grieving, Offer Specific Ways You Can Help. Around this time last year, my mom passed away. I was in charge of planning her funeral and burial arrangements, dealing with her stuff, and pretty much all the other horrible things that you have to do when someone dies. Oh, and I live in San Francisco and my mom was in North Carolina. Literally hundreds of people offered to help me on Facebook and via text, but only two people did. The reason Only two people made actual suggestions on what they could do to help. Around the same time, two of my other close friends also lost parents. Strength Training Anatomy 3Rd Edition Ebook' title='Strength Training Anatomy 3Rd Edition Ebook' />Like me, they experienced the same phenomenon. We all desperately needed help and support, and friends offered, but no one followed through, for the most part because we didnt ask. Death is awful. The weeks following my moms death were awful. While I definitely needed the help, I didnt have the energy or the time to coordinate with friends to handle things. If someone had asked Would you like a sandwich The answer would have most certainly been Yes. I havent eaten in 2 days. But when faced with no sandwich and a hundred people offering to help, Im not going to text anyone and ask for food, or a ride to the funeral home, or help buying flowers. Thats weird. Its uncomfortable. For a traditionally independent person, it feels like begging even though its something your friends are generically offering to do. I mean, technically I can drive myself places and find my own sandwich. For me, the two people that did help were a friend who offered to watch my dog while I headed east, and another superhero pal who actually took a few days off work, said she would just drive me to anything I needed her to, and managed to help me do everything from pick out flowers to deal with the funeral home. I would have never in a million years asked either of them out of the blue, but that they volunteered for those specific tasks was worth a million. Instead of saying Let me know if I can help I encourage everyone to instead offer a suggestion on exactly what they have time for. Here are some ideas Can I bringbuy you breakfastlunchdinnerThis is the easiest thing to do by far. Just offer to bring dinner over for an evening or two. Free Pdf Page Flip Software For Mac there. Its amazing how much there is to do and how easy it is to forget to eat while youre dealing with it all. Make a frozen lasagna. Mazak 5 Axis Programming Manual Document about Mazak 5 Axis Programming Manual is available on print and digital edition. This pdf ebook is one of digital edition of. Oracle acquired Sun Microsystems in 2010, and since that time Oracles hardware and software engineers have worked sidebyside to build fully integrated systems and. Raid the snack aisle at Trader Joes. If this is a close friend, you dont even need to ask for this one. Just makebuy some stuff and coordinate a drop off or just leave it on their porch presuming you know theyll be home. Id be happy to watch your kidsdogcatgoat while you deal with everything. If someone has a child or a pet, then theyre going to have to figure out how to care for them while theyre also dealing with everything else. Obviously, this will vary depending on how close you are with the person. But, even suggesting you can babysit for a specific evening or two, or come over and take the dog on some walks, can be an invaluable gesture. Im free on Saturday. What errands do you need help with or can I drive you anywhereI would have never even thought to ask a friend to drive me places like the funeral home and flower shop, but wow was it helpful. It was nice to not have to handle those small things alone, and not have to be behind the wheel which was probably dangerous. By offering a specific time youre free, you also give your friend the opportunity to respond with No, but could you do thisI have a bunch of airline miles. Can I give you some to help pay for your ticketThanks to losers who took advantage of the system, airlines dont offer bereavement fares anymore. That means that if your friend has to travel, theyre likely buying a VERY expensive last minute ticket. If youre sitting on a bunch of miles from traveling for work, offer to help them snag a ticket home or back. Funerals are insanely expensive and airline miles can help offset some of the financial blow. At the end of the day, youre the one that knows your friend the best and whats appropriate depends a bit on your level of friendship. However, if you truly want to help them out, make a suggestion for something you know they might need. Whether its helping them take care of work or family commitments while theyre away, or just offering them lunch. If you offer something specific, theyll be much more likely to take you up on it.